Hello from windy Nebraska, USA! I’ve come down from my mountain home to trek back East for my nephew Elijah’s first birthday, my two dogs in tow. It’s been a bit too hectic to write up a thoughts piece this week, so today I want to share something a writer recently shared with me, a quote from the novelist and essayist Jhumpa Lahiri:
It was not in my nature to be an assertive person. I was used to looking to others for guidance, for influence, sometimes for the most basic cues of life. And yet writing stories is one of the most assertive things a person can do. Fiction is an act of willfulness, a deliberate effort to reconceive, to rearrange, to reconstitute nothing short of reality itself. Even among the most reluctant and doubtful of writers, this willfulness must emerge. Being a writer means taking the leap from listening to saying, “Listen to me.” ―Jhumpa Lahiri
You can substitute “fiction” here for “writing,” and it’s hard to imagine not being moved.
When I read this, I immediately shared it with several other writers who struggle with sharing their work—who’ve told me at one point or another that they’ve ‘always been shy,’ or ‘don’t want to look like I think I deserve attention,’ or ‘don’t have enough experience yet.’
I cover this concern about putting it out there a lot in my work with writers, and I’ll write more about how to wend our ways out of this knot in the future. But this week, if asking to be heard, or demanding to be heard, asking for space or taking up space are difficult for you, if sharing your work is terrifying, I encourage you to start to get to know the belief that’s holding you back, and the story that created it, better.
Using the same deconstruction technique we used in end laziness now!, your goal is to understand what the problematic belief is that keeps you from wanting to assert yourself (I’m not good enough, my ideas aren’t good, I just shouldn’t speak up right now, I’m too ugly to be seen, I’m not qualified enough to be listened to), and break down the story that keeps this problem in control of you.
What is this belief and what do I call it?
Where does this belief come from?
What are its rules? (How does it control your behavior?)
How have these rules been influenced or created by family, community, and society?
What experiences have I had that reinforced this belief or added to it?
What are some times I have acted outside the rules of this belief?
What is this belief trying to protect me from? What is its goal?
What values do I have that are not aligned with this belief?
If you don’t have a concern about sharing your work or asserting yourself through writing, you can run any problematic belief through this method, and I 100% satisfaction guarantee that you will learn a lot and begin to free yourself from old stories and create new ones.
Back to the asphalt! And thank you to the amazing Jennifer for sharing the quote with me last week. Until Friday—
Great quote. I love the writing of Jhumpa Lahiri. She has a beautiful voice for storytelling.
Love this topic and the exercise/prompts! Hope you’re having a blast in Nebraska.